This is just crazy I keep saying to myself. Maybe it’s just me, I really just don’t know. I do not get on this blog very often at all. Every time I think about it I think, I sure wish it would take off, well really I just wish more people would read it. I reread what I have posted and think, this is not to bad I’d follow this person. When I leave this site I think I should just delete it. It’s easier for me to type this out then write so I continue on because if u don’t I will probably explode. I’m a normal, well almost normal everyday kinda women who has all the same thoughts and emotions as other women but I have this need to write them all down when I angry I want to say why, because most people I’m around don’t listen or I don’t want to burden the ones who do. I hold to much in which makes me mad at myself. Oh let’s not hurt anyone else’s feelings let’s just hurt myself. It’s not fair in trying to do the right thing all the time. You get hurt. I don’t God means for me to not take up for myself, but in taking up for myself I will get all emotional and loud. So I just get quiet. Why?? Everyone else speaks what they think rather it hurts you or not. I always feared if I get loud then others will get louder, or if I get so upset then I end up hurting someone and then have to apologize. I’m always in the middle.
If anyone reads this I’m here to tell you, DONT hold in your feelings. I’m not saying hurt people on purpose I’m just saying speak up. If you don’t it will literally make you sick in the long run. It’s freeing to be able to say what you need to. It lets out stress and a lot of emotions. I think if I’d done better at this, my kids would be better now. My daughter would speak up more, my son wouldn’t argue back, my hubby wouldn’t get so aggravated and my mom in law wouldn’t get her feelings so hurt.
We want to blame people, as I have for making me feel like what I thought didn’t matter but you know some of the responsibility lands on me for being that doormat, for allowing others to push my buttons when I could have pushed back. It’s so dumb how we learn lessons to many years later and the damage is already done. Well at least I’ve learned and isn’t it once you’ve learned you do better?! Well let’s hope.
I say more now but still not enough. I usually just want to hit people with objects. I especially want one of those play guns that has the suction up on it. That would be fun to shoot at peoples forehead:) or a nerf one. Hey it would get my frustrations out and I’d laugh, well so would winning the lottery but that’s not gonna happen. Anyway, stand up for yourself when you should it will help you feel better and I think eventually people will respect that.