Makes me smile

 There are so many beautiful wonderful things in this world and some very awful ugly things . I'm sitting watching a old romance movie and I smile while these two people enjoy the simplest little things such as the beauty in a old farm house with the sun setting behind in a shadow of a windmill. Absolutely beautiful. This all gets me to thinking about some of the things I think are beautiful. Since this is my blog and only a handful of folks read it I feel it ok. 

The pictures in my mind such as sitting on the back of our boat, feet dangling in the water, sun sparkling across the waves while shinning from that big bright blue sky. Sunrises, sunsets, the stillness of a tree in midst of a field. The stars, especially the times I sat in hammock on the back porch with my kids, again I smile .

Lets not forget the day they were born. My little girl took a very long time and that's why I now say, she is still on her own time. I didn't realize what really real love was till I held her, so much happiness. I feel at times my heart beats because of her. Looking at her I smile. 

The day my son was born was a wonderful day, I can say I actually didn't mind it so bad, but the moment that's the most amazing was as soon as the Dr. Handed him to me , everyone left the room, oh my goodness, we bonded. His first few min of life was in my arms just him and I , no one interrupted , this was the best day, I smile just thinking of it.

The first time I saw the ocean, I was in awe of such a amazing scene. If you haven't ever seen the ocean you need to, and no one can really describe it to you. The breeze and scent while sitting on the sand is so peaceful, this makes me smile.

Listening to music and dancing without worrying about anyone watching, or laying in the hammock with music checking out the sky. Did I mention music?, temptations, Al green, Bee Gees, oldies but goodies, journey to Kid Rock, to Blake Shelton most all country, these folks make me smile. Front porch sitting with a good glass of sweet tea, yep this makes me smile. Great movies, great pictures, pretty flowers in my own flower bed. My kids hugging me just because or 4- wheeler riding with my hubby and son, especially when my son gets stuck :)

All these things I'm sure a lot of people enjoy, it's part of our blessings I think. I love reading a good book, even going to the book store and searching for that special book, just opening the door and the smell of books, I smile. One of those conversations where you laugh and cry with a good friend, and it was the friend that called you. 

Minions and Olaf, funny cartoons or some practical jokes make me smile. Watering cans especially if they look old are so pretty. Teddy bears and a great pair of socks. My soft pillow that's fluffed just right, with the new down blanket, yep smiling.

I love Branson, eating at the little restaurants like uptown, getting ice cream from Andy's or oh my goodness, when the red light comes on at Krispy cream, yummo! The landing, just walking through, just being there. I don't know why shopping is better there but it just is. Mel's diner, I could sit there all day and let them sing to me, after having that huge hamburger and fries. 

In my house the smell of me cooking with onions and peppers , or homemade biscuits and gravy. Oh yeah the smell of bacon . 

I'm so glad that God has given me all these things to enjoy and so much more. I like our church service and especially when our choir sings, such a blessing and this make me smile. 

A complement from someone you know means it. When my house is clean on a spring morning with the windows opened. My wind chimes blowing in the breeze, even a good thunderstorm. 

Walking our trails by the creek, the sound of the water is so nice flowing over the rocks, just breathe it in. 

I like to write even when I don't make since, I'm even ok with being random. In the beginning I talked about both wonderful and awful , not gonna do awful. I think all these things are beautiful. You could go to the most elaborate place and it would not be any more beautiful then all these things that make me smile. 

I wish to do and see so much, in my Pinterest I have places I want to see, all those bucket lists that are great,  but if I never do I know I had beauty in my life with just the great big simple things:)

My stretch of time (poem)

Laughter is the best medicine for me and God has given me a great since of humor in my life I feel,

He knew I'd have to have a way to push forward to bring out my joy to be real.

He knew me, He knew I needed something extra special to help me finish my course, my stretch of time, He first had to slow me down, bring me to a slow stop, almost die to finish my climb.

Now praising my Savior is not nearly enough for me, I want to plant seeds and give my testimony.

I want to stand as the sunflowers do, strong and tall and follow the son. I want to encourage everyone to use their call, don't let others hinder or cause you to fall for Jesus is the all in all.

I want to be happy, I want to listen and not grow cold, I believe, I shared and I loved for I know my anchor holds. My place I know in Heaven will be a splendid one, hearing Gods words sitting face to face I'll  know I have won. As a human I'd want to be selfish and keep all His attention, but I know there's so much to do beyond my comprehension. I hope to be dangling my feet in the river Jordan below my mansion site, just the thought brings to my face a smile so bright. I want to reach up and feel the pink crown on my head, I know it's not a dream because of what Jesus said. God has placed me just where I needed to be, in darkness at times through many valleys. Sometimes I think we have to have a little darkness in our way, just to really grasp what real happiness is and know it will all be ok. A sweet peace comes over me as I try to picture my stretch of time, and in my heart I know, no matter what I will continue to make my climb. 

I came across this poem I wrote last year but I changed it some because after reading it reminded me of my friend Tami. She has a great testimony about almost loosing her life and God had other plans for her. Her humor and story telling skills are one of a kind. I really believe God has something special for each and everyone of us, even when we don't think so. I'm not quite sure all of mine just yet but I do know He knows and that's what matters. I want to encourage or lift up others and not because it's right but because it helps me, and I need lifting up more often then not. 

Take time

Last night while watching tv I niticed again how we all had technology in our hands. Phones, iPads and the tv on. I've not been on my phone as much anymore because I realized every few min I was picking it up to see, we'll just anything. I want to watch the whole show without my phone, you miss so much.

Which brings me to my kids, they miss so much and I miss them. Hey but I know what the tops of their heads looks like. 

Well I'm ready for spring because this means a visit to Petit Jean. I love this place. We as a family usually go every spring and fall, just to hike, take pics and eat. Such a great time we have with one another and not much technology. I love the moments when my daughter and I have just sat on rocks way up high and just enjoyed the scenery while my son and hubby explored a little further. These are great memories to me. Talking as we walk or laughing at something my son would do. It's so peaceful being in these beautiful mountain trails and smiling as you just walk. I'm ready for another day of Petit Jean.

My kids are grown up and moving forward that I want as much time as I can with them, but with technology I feel it hinders the relationship. I want us all to take a moment away from it to look around and see who's looking at you or wanting your company, take time to see Gods creations. I know the world is the Internet world but for just a bit, I want the front porch swing world. Last night brought so many memories of what my family has done together and I guess Petit Jean is one of the best, it really makes me smile knowing we were together and wanted to be without the concern of Facebook .

Now don't get me wrong I will post pics to my FB of us there but it's not the whole day and I'm just wanting others to find a time of day, a hour even where you can set down the phone and just be.

My daughter will be married this year and I want her time, not her time phone and me. My son graduates this year and I want time with him without checking the phone to see who is more important then me at the time. I want to be selfish and get all I can before I can't . 

Though they grew up, my hubby and I will still go to our special mountain and even eat at the lodge or picnic, until we can't anymore. A lovely place with great memories and I still want to make more. This is kind of random but it's what was on my mind. Stay in touch with those that matter, face to face or voice, because it does matter. Time flies by and time will be missed. 

I love my family so much and just want technology to not be first. The older generation got it right, playing outside, just sitting even without talking, taking time to breathe in all of Gods creations. Listening to stories of how people lived back when, getting to know them. Yep, front porch sitting sounds good to me. 

Holy Ghost moment

So many things come to mind at this moment so lets start with, as a child and growing up we went through the doors of church at times but I never really knew who God was. I didn't learn this till I met Anthony and his mom. I was saved at 19. I remember hearing hell fire and so many scary things from revelations that I knew heaven is where I wanted to be. Being saved was a chance for me to do better but the real life changing moment was when I rededicated on Christmas Eve . That night I started my relationship with God. There is a difference, I meant it, I didn't just want a way to heaven for fear of hell I wanted to be apart of God, allow Him in, I wanted as I said that relationship. 

Which brings me to the Holy Spirit . Now remember I didn't grow up in church or even had a idea of what shouting was or being filled. Well let me tell you, at first site I didn't want any part of that, scared me so bad. I didn't understand, and I didn't want to. When that preacher at this revival we went to started touching people and they fell to the ground, I was looking for the door. I was thinking please don't come to me. 

As I learned more and experienced the Holy Spirit for myself, I cannot see how I ever lived with out it. It took me giving myself to God, letting go! though the whole Holy Ghost at first freaked me out, I get it now , the closeness and love you feel is like nothing else, it's just plain awesome. When I look back at some glorious times that touched me so much and helped to form my relationship with God I think about, seeing the people in my little country church. My mother in law and MaryNell would allow the spirit to fill them and it would spread over the rest of us. You could see it coming, my mother in law would start to bounce her leg and Marynell would have her eyes closed with her hands clasp at times, then just sit back because it was coming. Let the shouting begin. Such a blessing.

My father in law would fall in the spirit and just laugh, oh to here that conversation. My hubby while getting baptized, come out of the water shouting. Oh my gosh it was awesome at the faith these lovely people had in God. such great examples. We would march around the church building, anoint  people with oil and lay hands on them and pray till.. I've seen people healed including myself. I watched my son as a toddler roll all over the floor with his stomach, we all prayed, he got up looked at us like what's  going on, like nothing ever happened. 

I still believe in all these things. I believe God. Sometimes it's ok to look back to see what God has done and where we came from. I know that through my yelling, my doubt and numerous questioning, over and over at times. God is still here, never left never will. He has me in his hands, so when I choose to let go He will still be there. He knows my heart, He knows me that I'm His.  God has been and is good to me. There are many more moments like these that have changed my life, so more to come..

  

Seeing it right

In some scripture and a book I've been reading about John the Baptist has been really tugging at my heart. I'm so impressed how John really saw Jesus and I don't mean as in just seeing him in person. John saw the Savior with nothing blocking his view. He learned from him, trusted him and I'm sure John was amazed at the miracles he saw and astonished at what the people would say, yet he still continued to follow Jesus like there was nothing else in the world. 

I hope this comes across just right. You know how we look at people with love and compassion and still at times our minds will wonder off, I don't think Johns did, he was focused on Jesus and who He was, that's what mattered. What I'm saying is to follow Jesus we need to have eyes like Him, to see the best and want the best for others. A heart and eyes like Jesus. John was learning this in his early life. 

I know in all my humanness, if that's a word, I fail at this often, I see certain people and I want to run away, ignor or pretend they are not there. Trying to pray for those I love is easy but for those I don't love or who I really don't like , we'll this is a hard lesson for me. This is where the heart of God comes in. The people that we seem to not pray for are actually the ones we really need to pray for and really it's just as much for us as them. 

This is where part of my problem starts, forgiving. We know forgiveness is not just for the other person it's for us so we an move on to and not be hindered when we see these people. I'm here to tell you, I've had a hard time even thinking about forgiving, but I want my heart clean. ( mat. 6:15) ( mat. 5:44).

I know from experience that praying for someone or a situation can help you not to hate. We may not like what someone does but we are to pray for their soul. To do this with a heart that means it, we'll I have to practice this everyday. 

My example, most my life I had a love / hate, mostly hate relationship with my mother. I tried very hard to understand her even like her. I could not look at her with love, I'm sure down deep there was love but the more I tried to find it, it was just shoved further down. I had to overcome this, let things go because it was making me wish things that were not of God. Try caring for someone when your own attitude about it was ugly. Well after my dad died I become her full care giver then she got hurt and now I have a third child to care for as I call it. Before someone critizes, she may have given me birth but was never a mom. Anyway, I had to really pray, really had to rely on God for strength. It didn't matter who she was, it was who I needed to be for her. How could I care for someone I didn't want to care for? Well God. Funny thing, I have more to do for her now and guess what, I can say I love her, I care about what happens to her. 

Truth be told if not for God I would have no patience or much love for her. Now I've let go of past things and choose to do what I can. For less then 10 years now I can say, I want to be around my mother. I still struggle at times and wonder why, but now I have a heart for my mom. I still pray everyday for strength and continue to ask God to help me forgive because I want to see my mom with love not dislike or as a problem. I have to see her as God sees her. Love covers a multitude and I'm still learning this and how to do it right. 

Luke 6:28 pray for those that curse you, pray for those that abuse you. Came to mind as I was writing. Mine letting go didn't happen over night, God lead me at my pace and helps me know in my little mind I'm doing it right but I still need work :)

A few fun memories of a friend

I wanted to write of a funny memory I was reminded about with a friend, but first have to give a short background. We met while I worked at a gift shop taking care of a wild hog, yep the tourists loved him. Anyway she my friend lived next door and once she came in, we'll that was it we were friends for life. In our twenties we thought we had such issues, um no, if we only had known our future. 

Well one day she decided to boil eggs and come visit, thinking she would only be a minute, wrong this was us and by the time she went home, LOLOLOL sorry had to laugh, the explosion happened and it wasn't pretty, smelled pretty bad to. Egg was on the ceiling , just everywhere, I still laugh about that. 

Numerous outings, lunches and cruising the sonic, oh my were we cool. Oh and movies, the one that comes to mind is road house. Well for that memory you would just have to have been in the theatre:)

Oh this next one is great. While driving the back roads and non stop talking and laughing, we come to a railroad track, now this track doesn't run trains that I remembered, as we cross the train horn goes off. We both jump, scream and probably needed to change our pants because we just knew we were got. After realizing we were ok, got our minds back, we laughed to no end. I still don't know where that horn came from. It sure stopped us that day, but also proved it took a train horn to shut us up. Still smiling over that.

So many lunches but it just came to me about eating at bonanza, we would talk and share funny things our husbands would say, I remember telling her as she took a bite, yard bird, again I laugh, she about choked and I'm laughing. Hey this is real friendship.

Through our lives we had had so many similarities from names, kids, sickness and so much heartache and drama. We had a few years away from each other, raised our families got jobs. But I know God brings people in our lives for a reason. I believe her and I had a season and now we are in a new season, brought back together I believe because sometimes we need each other. Through the drama I know I'm meant to be here for her and I believe she thinks the same. 

We may not see each other often but we talk a lot. We laugh and cry still and are making new memories. I do think if circumstances happen again and we were not in touch, it wouldn't last long because our paths always cross, others may never but ours will. I love her and I have laughed just remembering these wonderful funny happenings. No matter what she will always be my " Thelma".

Venting, read with caution

I really don't feel we are to be doormats. We can only be nice for so long then if we do not do something about it we explode on the ones who don't deserve it. I know this for a fact. I tend to keep everything in, which is not a healthy thing to do, because I feel I can fix it myself, let it go or in my head who really cares. I know those who will say, we'll I have a right to my opinion, NO if its going to hurt someone on purpose just to prove they are right. To me that's pride, not opinion. 

I have chosen numerous times to not say what I feel for fear I hurting someone or making them mad. Which it turn has only made me feel incompetent, worthless at times and makes me so sad to where I make myself sick. It's really not worth it.

I am learning it's ok sometimes to make people mad or disagree, I don't want to be a people pleaser, I'm to stinking tired and older to continue to worry about how I make someone else feel. I've learned this from others to, and I need to stop wearing my own feelings on my sleeve.

So many times I feel sorry for myself , yes it's my doing, I allow it. I will feel so alone because of my surroundings or what I have to do. I hate when people say, there's always someone else worse off, we'll you know what, maybe so but at this point in my life, this is my worse . I don't want to feel belittled like my problem is a lesser issue. 

To be more honest, I know I have more blessings then I deserve before someone comments to that. I'm smart enough to know I'd be no where without God. But you know, I don't think He means for me to be a doormat either. 

Staying at home everyday just to care for everyone is not always a piece of cake. Most days I don't mind. I have no siblings to help, or those who truly get it. If you haven't had to quit your job to care for a parent you don't get it. No I'm not feeling sorry for myself right now just stating the truth. 

I so want to be a part of things but I have chosen not to. It's weird sort of, I used to be up for stuff now I have no motivation except for my voice. 

Rather anyone ever reads my blog  or not , it has been good for my mind. It never shuts up. I believe I could write three or four things a day. Today is just a outlet, a way to actually get it out that, what I have to say is important it matters and I don't have to hide from my beliefs. I'm not right all the time, I don't have a clue as to what to do at times  and I won't tell you that I don't make plenty if mistakes. but I will say to those of you who will read this, don't let fear hold you back. find a way to unlock what is  hindering you, or it will tear you apart and can even cause depression. For me writing it out is therapy. 

Flip flop summer ready

I am so ready to get out all my flip flops. I'm over this cold weather, it makes me hurt and everything outside is naked. I'm ready to feel the warm breeze with the birds singing and my wind chimes ringing with the starting of spring. Then comes out my flip flops with a smile on my face knowing summer is coming .
I'm ready to see the grass growing, the flowers blooming and the trees filling up their branches, no more naked. I'm ready for the smell of spring showers bringing on the newness of all things. I'm ready for shorts, T-shirts and flip flops . I'm ready for the day my hubby uncovers the boat to get it ready for some lake time . Can you guess? I'm just ready.
I'm also ready to learn from past mistakes to move forward and not look back on things that just kill my spirit. I'm ready to enjoy the good people in my life and let them know how much they are appreciated, there will be a post about that).
If I haven't said it enough, my flip flops are calling my name. I'm ready to care that my toes are painted. I'm ready to be in my boat, in the middle of our lake, with the beautiful sun shine beeming and glistening on the warm water, while having my sandwich, that always tastes great on the lake. I'm ready for the smell of coconut tanning lotion, ready to get my tan on. I'm ready to see my son jumping high on the wake board. The big waves splashing, spaying a little water our way.
See my relaxing time, is when I can sit on the back of the boat, with my feet in the water and the sun warming my skin. I can take a deep breath, look at the sky with relief and thank God, for this special time.
It's kind of silly but just the thought of my flip flops reminds me of what's coming. Some women may want shining fancy shoes in every color, not me. Flip flops to match everything sounds good. So if anyone feels the need to send gifts I wear a 6-61/2:)
This is our vacation, our family time, pretty soon just mine and Anthony time. Oh and I'm ready for my daughter to get married this year, I'm ready to see what she does and how she makes her life. I'm ready for my son to graduate just because I am.
I know some will say I'm hurrying things, but others will get it. I'm just ready:)

Remodel or tear down

So many things run through my brain at once it's a wonder I can function through the day. I have come to the conclusion that I can't and sometimes shouldn't try to help everyone. Talked with a friend this morning, my lovely sounding board that talks back, anyway to see if what I was thinking made any kind of since. I was so happy that she understood my craziness and even without me being able to articulate what I wanted to fully say. 

Then after running all of that in my head I heard a song that just topped it off. The house that built me by Miranda Lambert. Well that bought a little insight to me that flows with what we talked about. We need to fix ourselves before we even try to fix someone else. Actually help them, answer questions or lead them in a right direction. We have to show and be a strong foundation, hint.

A house has to be solid, have good boards, good roof and as I said a good foundation. We bring so much into our house, past and present junk brings clutter. If our floor, our foundation is strong we fall through. Same as with the boards that hold us up, rotten, broken or mildew will make us fall down, make us weak and cause us to look really bad. If our roof has holes in it, the weather seeps through, sometimes like a dripping that eventually covers everything. 

Our body is a temple a building. Are we letting in all types of weather, are our boards weak and making us sick? What about our foundation? What are we standing on? 

I'll tell ya right now, I want a strong, healthy beautiful house. I want others to want what I have in God. If I look like I'm abandoned and falling down all the time, that's what people see. 

I may not need to completely tear my walls down but I sure could use a little remodel.  Then I can start to help others. I know we are suppose to show Christ, and do all that we can. I do think ,like I said earlier , sometimes we need to repair ourselves  first, and know there are those we may not can help. Like my friend said, we planted the seed now they have to nourish it and clean their own house from clutter. Let's build strong houses, I know mine is a little tattered but it's what on the inside that counts:)