This to me is my special day to. See, my mom hasn't or doesn't always say that, she never has. I do believe she loves me in her own way and I've come to except what ever she can give me in that way I will take.
She smiled a lot and laughed and was so happy to receive gifts. It was her 70 th birthday yesterday and she was just like a kid. I'd watch her as I would my child, so excited especially to receive a stuffed bunny and a CD. My mom loves music always has and I guess that is something I got from her.
In my life I never wanted to be like her or even love her at times, just because I don't remember her being a mom. If you have a mom who is real who is your mom first and friend second, even through disagreements, tell her you appreciate her and love her, it's a gift to have a mom who loves you uncontional. I can say now I love my mom, probably always did but I didn't think I did. So many times people have said to me, oh it's such a blessing to care for your mom, it's such a blessing to still have your mom or my favorite, your mom took care of you so you should fill over joyed to do the same. Well none of these options have made me particularly happy. They actually make me mad at times because my selfish side wants to yell, she didn't take care of me I've always taken care of her.
It's hard to care for a parent, not that you don't love them, not that you don't want what's best, it's sometimes the idea of loosing your life to make sure they have one. Kind of like with our kids, we want to do everything possible to see them happy and cared for. I know my mom deserves to be taken care of, she didn't choose this way. I do believe God knew she would need help and gave me to my mom.
I have learned a lot of patience and forgiveness through her care. Yes I still get mad and don't want to do at times especially if I don't feel well, but I keep going because she needs me.
God gave me a heart of care, and just because I've forgiven I haven't forgotten, but I try not to dwell. I do wonder why He chose me, but I guess I won't know till I meet Him face to face.
I hope one day my kids understand the times I had to leave to care for my mom, and see I was doing what I felt nessasary for everyone. I know it's not the easiest for anyone.
If you have to take care of a parent, just love them that's all you can really do. If you haven't taken care of a parent, don't say you understand or think its a easy job, because you don't and it's not.
I'm happy this morning to know I can say I love my mom, I like when she's happy and I love when she says, " I love you to honey". That's worth a lot.
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