Focus on the good and learn

As I get older I tend to wish life a little easier. I want to be happier and have a peace stronger then what I have in my heart and head. I think as life moves forward I've grown in the way I think and I'm some wiser through numerous mistakes. The key I think is I have learned from my mistakes though I do know I'm not finished making them, but I do hope my spirit on the inside continues to remind me to make it right. 

I believe we all continue to grow and learn everyday when we start to pay attention to what really matters. I know through my sadness and disappointment that eventually it goes away and again I made it through and hopefully stronger to make it through the next thing. 

We all change, I'm not the same person I was twenty years ago and my dreams and wants are not the same. There are still things I think about doing or seeing and it makes me smile at just the thought of it and I'm not giving up on something that makes me happy. Your never to old to still have different dreams. 

So much of my life I have given to others even when I didn't want to and I'm just now realizing its ok for me to think of me. I will say it's very hard to put yourself first because I still don't do that, but I choose to try and allow myself some kind of happiness. I've learned not everyone will like you, everything doesn't always work out as you plan, you don't need fifteen friends, not everyone who says they care really mean it, most times God is all you really have, people will disappoint you, you have to forgive so you can feel better, there are some really good people in this world, no you can't trust a lot of things and people but you learn through experience and Gods urging when you can, people cannot make you happy, they can surly help though, and the saying " it could be worse" never helps anyone. 

I'm not trying to be a downer I'm just saying , as we grow let's learn how to be better at us, we can change when we want to. I've had to open my eyes and see there are those who choose not to change and I can't dwell on that anymore. I've let so much of what others do or say hinder me and that keeps me upset and down. 

I love so much of the little things, I love seeing people I care about full of joy. I hate so much when others hurt people and don't care. I'm trying to see the good. I want to focus on what and who is positive in my life . My kids, the beauty in looking out my window this morning, the strength in Dolores with all her loss, the humor in Tami, the faith that's grown in Janis, The firmness in Lexi for being who she is, being a leader, though she doesn't think so Teresa, Roz for being my Thelma. The sun for its warmth and The Son for helping me grow. My dog that follows me everywhere, a good tv show that makes me cry or laugh. I want to think on these things and many more.  I don't want to stay where I am I want to move forward. I feel I'm more understanding but also more emotional so I'm always going to need prayer. 

I want to smile and be truly happy. I'm not right now but I'm choosing to try.

People

I have been reading a lot of quotes and some opinions of others about people and church. I understand all of what they are saying, I get it. I know when your hurt your hurt and you want to blame everyone . Well this may be a really harsh blog today and even I take notice.

One of the first things that came to mind was the quote/ saying, there's always another church down the street, or the people in the church are hypocrites so I don't want to be around those kind of people. Well let me enlighten you. There are hypocrites out of church to. Yes there is always another church and there's even more people out there to hurt you. If your are going to church for the people, well stop right there. You first need to go for God and the truth being taught. Not for how many friends you can make and especially just to be noticed. I have heard people say, I can't go there because I don't like certain people I know how they are. Again, these same people you will work with, you will chat with at Walmart but you don't want to be in church with them. Hmmm, God didn't do anything to you, the church house didn't, and this is why your there.

I know first hand about leaving a church because of being hurt. I allowed people to chase me off, I allowed their  words to make me feel bad. I didn't hear God because of what I allowed to hinder me from others. This was because I wanted approval from them, love and friendship and most of all a belief in me. Well wake up! I was listening to the wrong ones. The people that mattered was encouraging me to stay, but I didn't listen I only heard the bad. 

Once I learned why I needed church, my life has been different. I don't go for the people I go for God and when I can have one or two that encourage me and I believe in and they believe in me, that's a added bonus. I want to learn what God has for me and to tell ya the truth, I don't need fifteen friends or the whole church people to like me because they won't get me to Heaven. I'm not saying it's not good when you feel welcomed and apart of something, but you do have to make yourself approachable. God has plans for me. I know He sent me back to my home church where I was hurt the worst by people, but I'm here to tell you, once I understood why I was there, I also understood the ones I needed and who might need me. 

There are going to be pretenders everywhere you go, even in church. This is not your problem it's there's . Find a place you can here the truth about our Lord, He requires this of you. Excuses are just excuses . Can't let others keep you from doing what is right, because its on you not them. It's your choice what you do for God. Oh and none of this I know my bible, well so does the devil, do you know God? That's what matters. Don't let people stand in your way because there are a lot of good ones If you will just look at them and let the pretenders go. Pray you can learn what God has for you and where you need to be. As I've heard most my life, God doesn't make you do anything, free will you know. You can't just slip by. Hell is real. 

I know I have a lot of work to do on myself but I don't want people to take church so lightly it really bothers me. There's good and bad where ever you go. If will let the true believers in, you will have some awesome people to pray with you and lift you up. I thank God He opened my eyes so I can see Him and not what's around me.

Walnut Grove is my home, your welcome anytime. 

Hold on

We all have some of the same opportunities to be who we want to be, to do anything we set our mind to and to really choose to be happy, but we don't . It's like being mad or complaining is easier to do so we stay in that mode. I want to be happy, I want to share my blessings everyday, I want to smile and just know its ok. Why can't I do that?

Because I allow everyone around me to interfere, I allow their attitude to become mine or their mood. I will feel bad and not say a word at what's happening. I'm stronger and better then this why can't I get that in my head. My heart hurts because of others. I said the other day I wish I could say exactly what I'm thinking all the time, but I choose to not argue or ruffle feathers though it just causes me to hurt.

God tells me when I pray and believe I shall receive. He tells to trust Him and give Him my cares. I try to do this, I ask for help, and comfort and then I thank Him for all my blessings. 

What do I do next, I pick it all back up and allow words from others to discourage me, to bring me down and make me feel worthless, just because of their attitude. Trying to be happy anyway is very hard sometimes when there is no one trying to help lift you up. I know this is my fault just as much as anyone else because as I said I allow it. 

How do you hold on to positive things that you know to be true, it's like the bad is easier. There's a scripture, maybe taking out of context some and it says " speak those things that are not as though they are". I have done this for years because of one word that has kept me going " Hope". If I ever lost the meaning of this word I would be lost. I feel God gave it to me for a reason so I would continue to hold on. It's getting harder and harder and I thought as I got older it would get easier. 

I believe Gods word and I keep reminding myself but right now God has His hands full with me. I have wanted to be a encouraging person, I wanted to uplift if I could and even give you a laugh, but all my preachiness was all meant for me. If I had advice to give from my experience would be, hold on to something that gives you hope, find what special something God has for you and hold on as tight as possible because that may be all you have to keep you going. 

Love those who love you even more, don't hurt their feelings just because you can, learn to care more for someone else then you do yourself and keep forgiving. Being considerant of someone else will not only make them happy but will open your own heart just a little more. Words and actions can distroy a person slowly where they just don't care anymore. 

So take it from me, I know I have God but sometimes I need a real person to show I matter. My human feelings overwhelm me at times, so thankful God understands me and loves me anyway because He knows I haven't finished my purpose yet.

Heaven or Hades

I have been reading a book that I actually should just through in the trash, but I keep thinking this guy will explain why he feels like he does. The book is about heaven and hell. This book is full of questions people ask  about the topic and I keep waiting for clear answers. Well yesterday a friend of mine posted a quote about hell that said, 2 out of every 5 Americans do not believe in a literal place called hell, Scary right. 

Well I got to reading some of what my bible tells me, and not in a lot of places but enough to describe to me that it is real and I don't want to go there. To me it's kind of simple there is a scary torturous place and a lovely loving place and we choose which one to live in eternally. 

I've heard people say " God is a loving God He wouldn't send me to hell" , well guess what He doesn't  you send yourself by not making the right choice in your life. We think we have all the time in the world to live like the devil and still be able to go to heaven. If this was true, why do we have churches and christian people who try their best to live according to Gods word. We wouldn't have to worry about right or wrong, we could just whatever because it would all be ok. This really is scary.

I do believe most people believe there is a God, they call on Him when they are in trouble, but they forget that they need Him in the heart, a true relationship , not just a when you need Him one. I know those who say they believe and I know they do, but they are not saved. They want to live life just having fun, partying and not taking time for God. How can a person say they know God and live as if there is not a God? Well those of us who have chosen to live the best we can for our Lord, know what's coming in the end. Those who don't believe will find their eternity when they meet God face to face. 

I was saved by hearing scripture in revelations that scared me, I didn't want anything to do with burning and having things crawling on me. That's what it took for me to find God and I know His love. The devil is real and he has a brutal home awaiting those who " choose" their own way, who want to live life without God in it. 

The rich man was in torment in hades and wanted a drop of water. Hmm this is in the word, I believe the word, hades is real. Maybe hell fire and brimstone needs to be heard again but then again this world is filled with scary things and people don't seem to mind.

Heaven is the home I look forward to being one day. Through all I've went through and seen, I'd rather believe there's a real glorious loving splendid place I can be one day. IF I'm wrong at least I lived my life in a way that didn't tear people up or cause failure, this seems so much better then drinking my life away and arguing over things that don't matter, and hurting those I love.

If you believe in God, believe there is a heaven and a hell and one day we will see one of them personally.

Stronger then we think

There are so many things we are suppose to be and yes I know that we can be when we work hard and of course through much prayer and faith we can do whatever we set our minds to do . Well first I do believe all things are possible with God and His will, that's the thing His will. I do believe God will provide for us the desires of our hearts when we focus on what's good and right for our lives. I don't think our Lord is into wishes, He means to provide for our needs and all else is added blessings. 

As I said earlier we are to be so many things like, strong, confident, positive , loving, understanding, faith filled prayer warriors, a testament to what God has done in our lives, but also humble enough to realize it to. So many good things we should be.

For me I want to be all these things, I want to be a good God fearing women of God. This goes over in my mind quite often. I'm reminded through His word that He gives me strength to be all I can.

I'm human and it's not a excuse. I fail offen, I'm not always strong though I pretend to be. I'm scared of making wrong decisions and saying dumb things to turn people away from me. I to many times feel down, feel like I can't do certain things or help anyone. I don't have a lot of friends and I fear it's my way, or my opinion that's affends them. I come across as a goody two shoes and I'm far from it. I have my very own pity parties and get on my own nerves. I tend to at times to think about what others think instead of just saying what I feel is right. I have been a very nice doormat, to those I really care about. And I really don't think we should do that for anyone. Be nice but not run over, shake the dirt off and move on. 

When I go back to Gods word, He tells me I am strong, I am full of hope and I have enough faith to carry me through. He is so right, of course. When I look back at what I've been through or accomplished, I can smile because WOW I am still here,moving forward and learning I am strong in all my ways, I may show weakness at times but where my strength comes from trumps that weakness. I have always had a favorite word" Hope" and I do have that. Even with little things that are actually big to me. Paying off bills, building a back room or finishing our garage. I have hope I will and am getting closer to God and I don't have to have 15 friends to feel like somebody. I do need a pat on the back or a push now and then from those who truly love me, my human side craves that sometimes, but God is my ultimate confidence booster. He believes in me and trusts me enough to even give me words to ease my mind. He believed in me enough to allow me to raise children and I thought I never could. He chose a few good friends that would help me on my crazy days. 

I still have days where I'm scared, uncertain or feel a little depressed, but I will say it's not from God, but He will bring me through and not hold it against me. He will love me anyway. I'm going to love as much as I can, I'm gonna forgive over and over again and I hope I can help one person see that no matter the situation, if you have God you have whom it takes to carry you through anything . 

Find a good friend that you know God works though because sometimes we are so busy we can't here God for our own mouth running, but He can send a message through a trusted friend/ family member when we just shut up and listen. I've learned to pray, wait.. And wait so more before I could here God. His time and our time is so different and we get in a hurry, but God is never late, so wait.

I have wanted people to always like me and shocker, they don't :) but where I'm at in my life now it really is not a big deal. I guess what I'm trying to say is, God knows of human nature, He knows how our emotions take us on a roller coaster ride and our feelings can tear  us apart. He our God is always reaching His hand down for us to hold and He gives us words of encouragement everyday if we will listen. It's hard when we want a answer now and not be anxious or weak, God knows. 

So don't worry if you feel different everyday, as long as you talk to the man up stairs, it will be ok. He cares about what we care about even when we think it's silly. 

I need to love myself enough to know, God loves me as me, just as me I mean really.. He made that quite clear when He gave His life for me. Be strong, confident and just love through it :)

Care enough to show your best

Today was a awesome day, not just because its Sunday going to meetin day, or not just because its Easter but because my family was in church together on the weekend our Lord and Savior rose from the dead, just like He said He would. There is so much that goes in to a Easter morning service. Family's gather, food is prepared, friends get to visit and we all worship together.

This day got me to thinking, Jesus cared so much that He went through so much just because of love. He knew the true meaning of laying down ones life for their brother, and why, because He cared, He thought about everyone else but himself. He wanted others to be saved to be happy to live abundantly.

Why is this so hard for us as human beings to actually care for someone else enough to help, to take time away from ourselfs to tend to another human. I think sometimes that those that really care are given a even bigger heart so they can care more for the ones who don't care enough. Like taking up the slack where someone else can't finish or just won't try. To these over caring loving people, kudos to you, I believe you will receive a double portion one day. 

I know there are times I see ahead of me, I see where I can help before I'm asked, and to tell the truth, this is a blessing but also a hardship. Compensating where others should be. How do they not see it? Because they are all about themselves , all about me and me first. What if God thought like this? What if He thought, no me first, everyone else can fend for themselfs. What a very sad world this would be.

Well it is sad already! 

Take it from Jesus, follow how He lead and guess what, one day we will be raised up to meet Him, the one who taught us to care. He has given many examples. Lift a burden by caring enough to show concern, to lend a hand, give a hug, send a card, listen, just pay attention to what and who is around you and leave yourself at the door.

Don't just say I love you show your love by caring enough to give and not take. God loves us so much and hurts when His people hurt. I hurt when my kids hurt and happy when they are happy. God is our father, He wants His children to be understanding of His way and not let " I " get in our way.

Remember this day, Easter is a day of love and caring and rememberance. 

As a parent I think of all the pain and sacrifice this wonderful man went through for me. So to not care would be like His sacrifice was worthless. This morning as Dolores read as she played Mary magdalene, her voice cracked just talking about what she saw as Jesus was being crucified, and my heart just sank, again as a parent my heart would have been broken, just as Jesus' is when we don't care for another person. We are to help with one another's needs. I know I fail unless its right here at home, then I overload myself. I do get irritated at those that can't see to care enough to see how to help another person without being told. 

I'm sure God got mad or irritated at things to, especially selfishness. Don't get mad and make others feel bad because everything doesn't go your way or it makes you uncomfortable. All that does is hurt people's feelings and make them feel like what they need is not important. Hurting someone on purpose is slowing tearing them apart. 

Pray and ask God to show you how to love and care, and He will. Sometimes I'm willing to let some of my heart go, because of all the bandages that covers it. My double portion is on it's way:)