As I said earlier we are to be so many things like, strong, confident, positive , loving, understanding, faith filled prayer warriors, a testament to what God has done in our lives, but also humble enough to realize it to. So many good things we should be.
For me I want to be all these things, I want to be a good God fearing women of God. This goes over in my mind quite often. I'm reminded through His word that He gives me strength to be all I can.
I'm human and it's not a excuse. I fail offen, I'm not always strong though I pretend to be. I'm scared of making wrong decisions and saying dumb things to turn people away from me. I to many times feel down, feel like I can't do certain things or help anyone. I don't have a lot of friends and I fear it's my way, or my opinion that's affends them. I come across as a goody two shoes and I'm far from it. I have my very own pity parties and get on my own nerves. I tend to at times to think about what others think instead of just saying what I feel is right. I have been a very nice doormat, to those I really care about. And I really don't think we should do that for anyone. Be nice but not run over, shake the dirt off and move on.
When I go back to Gods word, He tells me I am strong, I am full of hope and I have enough faith to carry me through. He is so right, of course. When I look back at what I've been through or accomplished, I can smile because WOW I am still here,moving forward and learning I am strong in all my ways, I may show weakness at times but where my strength comes from trumps that weakness. I have always had a favorite word" Hope" and I do have that. Even with little things that are actually big to me. Paying off bills, building a back room or finishing our garage. I have hope I will and am getting closer to God and I don't have to have 15 friends to feel like somebody. I do need a pat on the back or a push now and then from those who truly love me, my human side craves that sometimes, but God is my ultimate confidence booster. He believes in me and trusts me enough to even give me words to ease my mind. He believed in me enough to allow me to raise children and I thought I never could. He chose a few good friends that would help me on my crazy days.
I still have days where I'm scared, uncertain or feel a little depressed, but I will say it's not from God, but He will bring me through and not hold it against me. He will love me anyway. I'm going to love as much as I can, I'm gonna forgive over and over again and I hope I can help one person see that no matter the situation, if you have God you have whom it takes to carry you through anything .
Find a good friend that you know God works though because sometimes we are so busy we can't here God for our own mouth running, but He can send a message through a trusted friend/ family member when we just shut up and listen. I've learned to pray, wait.. And wait so more before I could here God. His time and our time is so different and we get in a hurry, but God is never late, so wait.
I have wanted people to always like me and shocker, they don't :) but where I'm at in my life now it really is not a big deal. I guess what I'm trying to say is, God knows of human nature, He knows how our emotions take us on a roller coaster ride and our feelings can tear us apart. He our God is always reaching His hand down for us to hold and He gives us words of encouragement everyday if we will listen. It's hard when we want a answer now and not be anxious or weak, God knows.
So don't worry if you feel different everyday, as long as you talk to the man up stairs, it will be ok. He cares about what we care about even when we think it's silly.
I need to love myself enough to know, God loves me as me, just as me I mean really.. He made that quite clear when He gave His life for me. Be strong, confident and just love through it :)
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