Show up

There are a lot of things I have failed at and not afraid to admit it. I know for the most part I have learned to not do the same things again. I do know to that I will make more mistakes, hopefully not to many for I hope to see where it could go wrong first.

When I went to visit my mom the other day it was like I understood a few things as I sat listening to her talk. I know for myself I need someone to listen to me, really take a moment of their time to just listen. I know I'm one of those who feel the need to talk about it, whatever it may be till I get it out of my system. Then I'm good. I know I'm not the best at out what others need at times and don't know what to do, but I do listen and try to help. Anyway, sometimes just like my mom , everyone needs someone to just be there, to show up. I know I can pray for the same thing fifty times but I know God is already there. He shows up as soon as we say His name. 

I have allowed people to control my thoughts and hurt my feelings for so long that it's just become natural to think of everyone but myself. You know what though, I'm learning it's ok to think of myself and not feel to bad that I am. I'm showing up for myself . It's funny how we wait for others to make us happy or make us feel better, when that can't happen, they can help with words of encouragement and prayer but until your ok with yourself no one can make you happy. 

I know I have a big heart and I want to share it. I want people to see I care. I just need now to learn how to move forward without others in my mind. What do I want? What do I need ? I really don't believe this is wrong at all. With prayer I believe God will give me courage to do what I need to, and help me learn I need me to to like me. Show up for people and show up for yourself . Believe in your ability through God to move mountains even if they are just ant hills right now:)