My Tears

Every morning I walk outside to take my dog out and always look to the sky and do my best to be thankful. This morning was hard for me but it never should be. I didn't sleep well had to many things running through my head and a thought kept bothering me. My tears. I'm a cryer. I woke up just needing to cry. I felt my heart was just so full of feelings and they had to come out. 

I have written down my thoughts, feelings or whatever for as long as I can remember. I still do but some things I choose to share just for the reason that there may be someone who feels like I do and want them to know its ok.

Yeas ago I asked God to take my tears away and He did. I didn't feel the same, I didn't cry much at all and I wasn't me. I tried to be uncaring, didn't hug others much and just tried not to be bothered with feelings. I was miserable. After a few years I asked God for them back and I also said I was sorry because I feel like that was one of my gifts from Him. Welł guess what, if your blessed enough to receive your gift back, God gives it tenfold. I just thought I cried before.

Welł to today I cry at everything. I can look at my beautiful kids and my love just flows out my eyes. I can look at the sky and know I have much to be thankful for and cry. I cry with people or for people. It's like my heart overflows and the feelings got to come out. I cry if I'm happy or sad. I can see where my family would think, oh no moms going to cry. I just can't help it. I can't even hug my daughter without crying. I'm going to just lightly hug her and let go then I won't. One day if they are ever a parent they will see. I cry at just writing this, just at the thought of them. I cry when I pray..a lot.

Anyway, my thought from earlier is that I think God gives us all something to share, and I think it's my heart. It feels up and I cry. People would think me sad and yes sometimes but I cry with joy to. 

I had thought about asking God to hold back a little on my tears so I don't cry so much but I'm afraid if I do I won't be me. Those who know me well, know I will cry. 

So today though it's with saddness I am thankful for my tears. It's a way to cleanse my soul, to keep my heart from aching so much. To its for health reasons, you know what happens if you stifle your tears? You get a terrible headache. So headache verses tears well I'm gonna let them flow. I may walk away but I'll be crying. If there is anyone who feels this way, just thank God and except you have a big heart, and just cry, it's ok.

Mustard seed

A few nights ago I had read scripture that reminded me of having faith and how much. I had been reading about the mustard seed. For a long time I would think wow, a mustard seed is so tiny and that's all the faith I need. Hmmm all God asks is simply the faith as a tiny mustard seed. I can do that.

Then after I got to thinking, and thinking and pondering more, I realized I needed to have more then just this little seed for me because I want to be more bolder and stronger in God. Well guess what, this tiny seed if it's planted will grow up so strong and tall. So if I pray, read Gods word and continue to do the best I can, I will use my faith and my seed will grow. It will grow so big that it will fill my body to where my faith and trust in my Lord will have no room for doubt. I love this! I have never thought this before. It was always, all you need is the faith of a mustard seed, which is true, but the more you believe, trust and use this faith it grows. I know I said this already but I'm so excited at a new way to understand. I have said when I've had my doubts, I need more faith, I would question so much which would almost allow doubt to win. But hey, my seed has grown over the years, and I know it. I know that when I hear someone put Gods Miracles down, I'm saddened but also I'm reminded that I believe. 

I know my seed is not as it should be and I'm ashamed I haven't fertilized it well. I know it's there though it has not died, it is going to reach its full potential one day. 

I also didn't know just how big a mustard seed could get and how strong they are. So when I start to allow some doubt in I will be reminded of my previous growing seed that I don't want it's growth stunted. It's funny how God chooses to show me things, but we all learn in different ways. I need a strong faith especially in these days. It scares me to think I might not have enough. I pray that the little mustard seed I started with will continue and maybe drop more seeds so I can be prepared for whatever comes next. You know God could of asked for something so much bigger but He doesn't ask much from us so this seems fitting. Remember every time, you do anything for God, you do what's right that wonderful seed grows.