I was really hoping all my posts would be helpful or uplifting in some way. Well I guess that was just my hopeful side. I’m angry, I’m mad and very irritated. I have been for a while. I’ve let everything for the past year build up on the inside. See if I don’t teach anyone anything this is the lesson. DONT HOLD THINGS IN. Let things out, yell, say what you feel even if someone’s feelings get hurt or they get mad. I let things go so much that I’m sick and I’m in a bad mood everyday. It really affects your whole body when you allow everything to slide. I probably have a ulcer the way my belly feels. I don’t tell anyone my exact feelings because I’m so used to hiding them or worry about hurting everyone. Well guess what I’m the one that’s hurting. Every person in my family I would love to say exactly what I’m thinking. From them being selfish, uncaring, prideful, irresponsible, and just plain dumb. Thing is I’m dumb to for letting everything slide, I’m their doormat. My son doesn’t respect me as much as he should and I guess it’s because I’ve let him get away with things. I’ve felt bad for years because I have felt he got the short end of so much but now he’s older and that’s just not true. He brings stuff on himself. He doesn’t always think, which comes across as immature. My daughter has a selfishness about her, as far as her way or no way. And none of my family know the word sorry. My in laws are the same. It’s crazy how we just keep going and never make amends. My hubby doesn’t know what to say and that irritates me so bad. I’ve went from the fixer of the family to the mad I don’t care one. That’s never been me, but there again if I’d ever spoke my piece more often, things might be different. Then again I might be divorced to. I love my family, I’ll do anything just about for them. I guess I have, that’s the problem. I know I’ve not been the best mom, but I thought I was a good mom. I thought I taught them the right way to go, and to live how God would have you. Funny how bad traits are what you grab a hold of first.
I’ve taken up writing again to get this out of me. I don’t want to be this person I am right now. If I could scream and beat up a punching bag that would help some. Telling someone off would help more though. I’m not a cussing person but I could really find some words that would help. Writing is like my dear diary, as usual I share to much. On a good note no one will probably read this anyway. If someone does, there’s so much more to come.
Take note, when your a mom, be everything to your child but a doormat. Moms are allowed to get mad and yell, we are people to. Our feelings get hurt and yes sometimes we think your stupid. Anyway, don’t let your feelings stay hidden, let them out, or they will come out some other way. And this won’t be good..
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