True story

The life of a daughter care giver, true story. I have taken care of a parent for as long as I can remember, and I never really had a choice most times. I felt obligated because these are my parents. Now that I care for my mom it has not only become something I have to do its something I need to do. Yeah I could have chosen a different way at one time but no matter how I felt toward my mom I could not be mean to her, I couldn't just let someone else take over her life. 

I'm in a different place now and so is my mom. I often call her my third child as she calls me Lucy, her dogs name. Hey they sound similar. For the past 8 years they have been the most grievous and the most fruitful. I have learned away to care for someone that I didn't ever feel cared for me. I make sure she has plenty of food, her house presentable, help her bathe, take her to shop or dr. Just anything you would do for a child. I have felt bad at times like I haven't done enough or she needs more then I'm giving. Almost three years ago I attempted to move her to a assisted living place, well that didn't work out. I could not make my mom, it was way to hard on my heart. Now I'm attempting it again, this time for her, she needs more then me, she needs a life beyond a chair and tv. She needs a nurse in case she falls again , she needs more then I can give her. I love my mom, I think this is why I'm having a hard time letting go. 

I'm a little selfish as far as, I'm tired and I'd like to do more with my family or go spend a day a petit jean and I can't because there's no one to watch my mom. Everyday she relies on my care and to be honest it's what I'm use to. I dont know how to not care for her. I'm very sad at the thought of her not being right here. I'm worried will they do things for her right, will they give good care to her, will she be happy and adventually ok?? I'm overwhelmed with this decision. 

If you are a care giver do not let someone that is not or hasn't experienced what you have tell you what to do, or what's right. I do believe we should care for our parents, but I also feel I have to care for my kids and my  husband to. They have been without me many times because I had to be with my mom. When you have to do things on your own, don't allow ignorant people to make you feel bad. 

My body and mind is not at it's best and my mom deserves great care. I need to be in a good spot so I can go see her and us enjoy each other before we can't . I have learned people will criticize what they don't understand. Think of doing everything for a child, sickness and health and all the inbetweens, and it's not easy. Then again when it's all you have known, you start to think, what will I do next?

This past week has been good. My mom has laughed and even helped me clean. She sat on her front porch, watched and talked to her dog. As I walked away I cried, God am I'm doing the right thing. Then it was like, you know when your riding a Ferris wheel and you get to the top then the declined down, well that's what I felt . Excitement and relief. 

Not everyone can be a caregiver even by choice, so choose your words carefully before condemning or hurting someone's feelings. I have almost stopped the paper work for fear of not doing the right thing, but you know what, this is good for me and my mom. Just gotta get past the tears. Send prayer my way and a peace for my mom and myself.