Tired

As soon as I woke up this morning my brain immediately hits 5th gear. Gotta fix some food for after church, clothes to wash, a dog to get outside, decisions to make and, don't forget Lisa you want to be healthy and look ok so don't forget to go run then stop by granny's make sure she's ok and has all she needs. Every morning this is my brain. 

This morning however I'm having a difficult time with this agenda, I'm tired, I'm not suppose to be tired, I have to much to do, to much to decide on and to try and figure which idea actually belongs to me. I think the only prayer that I have payed attention to this morning was, Lord help me. 

I feel like I smiled lot and I seem happy, but this morning so many reminders of why I'm not. I'm tired. There is so much to do, to get done and usually I'm good under pressure, not lately . I will say I have done all I set my mind to do this morning except run. I'm taking the day off, I'm sure my body thanks me :)

It seems I always have  something to deal with but it always works out. God has given me so much and has taught me a lot and I sure as anything don't understand why I can't be stronger willed and let myself be happier spite everyone else. I know the strength is in me because I have overcome so much, I know I shouldn't allow others thinking to dictate how I feel, see I know these things but yet I continue in my less then positive attitude. 

Don't get me wrong I love so many people and that makes me smile, God knew who to give a big heart to, but sometimes I let it guide me when I should listen to my brain. See there it goes again, trying to interfere in my thinking:) everyone has moments of down time, I need more clarity and positivity going in and coming out. Every time I here anything negative it affects me harshly. I'm trying to help the outside look ok while my inside is thinking, what about me? Geez always trying to please.

I know I should be most concerned about what God thinks about me and I am, I'm sure I've disappointed Him numerous times, with just who I am, but at least He loves me. 

My brain has caught the bug, the lets dig a hole and hide for a while then pop back up and see what's happening. It's not a pity party anymore it's the, being tired party. 

I do it to myself as always, I FEEL the need to help or fix everything, and I can't . I do wish someone could fix me though and take over my brain for a few days because I need a day off with it, as my body does. 

I'm glad God knows my true heart and He will help me, but I have to let go and this is extremely hard for me. How do you let go when that's all you know is to hold on, keep moving and just do it. Maybe being tired is ok as long as I don't stay tired. Like in sick and tired..... 

Gods mercy is new every morning, I'm thankful for this..